Why be Normal?

 The threat of swine flu is back.  Watch any news program during your morning coffee and you will hear swine flu mentioned at least once.  Health officials are sending the warning that half of Americans could be infected by the swine flu this flu season and 90,000 could die.

What?

90,000 people could die from the swine flu?

They are encouraging people to get the swine flu vaccine when it becomes available, although there will only be enough for half of the population.  Let’s hope it’s the half that would have been infected in the first place.

Why can’t they make enough vaccine to cover the whole population?

I’m sitting here, watching the news as I write, and waited patiently to learn, “how to protect yourself from the swine flu”.  I waited through several commercial breaks to hear how I could protect myself and my family from this potentially fatal flu.

What have I learned in the past hour?

First, that I should get vaccinated, but only if I am a school aged child, have asthma, or am otherwise frail. 

Second, if I fly, I shouldn’t fly sick.   Well, no kidding, but this would mean that I was already infected.  The news warned of flying, but then reminded us that all airlines have confirmed that the air inside of planes is HEPA filtered and safe.

Third, I learned that I shouldn’t cough into my hands, but into the crook of my elbow.  Again, this would mean I am already infected, and is not a prevention technique to avoid catching illness but a means to not spread infection to others.

The newscast then ended abruptly.  What did I really learn about swine flu?

Half of us are going to get sick if we don’t cough into our elbows and wash our hands.  90,000 of us Americans could die, so fly somewhere before you do and enjoy a vacation because the air in planes is HEPA filtered.  Get vaccinated, but not if you are healthy, only if you are a child, frail or have asthma.

I learned NOTHING about how to really prevent the swine flu today, but my belief that health officials and the media try to scare the poop out of us is confirmed. 

Beware, the threat of swine flu is out there, the terrorist threat level is orange, vaccinations cause autism, the recession will live on forever and toxic lead levels were found in your child’s toys from China.  Now, sleep well, don’t panic, and take a vacation.

 Catholic Priest Vincent Capretta, or Father Anthony as he is called, is a catholic priest by day and Drag Queen Big Mama Capretta at night.

Big Mama Capretta decided to unveil his true identity in celebration of Gay Pride month.

His hit single is #25 on the US Billboard Club Play Dance Chart and his statement about coming out of the closet, ” I am enjoying my life being who I am and who God intended me to be! Now let’s dance y’all!” says it all.

Is it time for the Catholic Church to finally come to terms with the fact that they have gay priests (never mind all the lesbian nuns)?  Or is the Catholic Church going to renounce Father Anthony as an anomoly and confirm their homophobic stance on gays and lesbians?

If the Catholic Church would accept gays and lesbians, maybe they wouldn’t have to be shutting down so many churches and their pews would be fuller.  In the words of an Episcopal Priest in a progressive town, “If it weren’t for the Catholic Church, my pews would be empty.”

What would be so wrong for the Catholic Church to admit that gays and lesbians are children of God too? 

In 2009, when gays and lesbians can get married in four states and counting, it’s time for the Catholic Church to admit that their leaders, nuns, priests and parishoners are as gay as the rest of the population and instead of continually trying to convert the homosexual, accept us and move on.

*As an update, I have receieved numerous comments that Father Capretta is not a Roman Catholic Priest but a Catholic Priest in the Indendent Old Catholic Church.  Although I did not specifically state Roman Catholic in my article, it was assumed that I have a vendetta against all Roman Catholics.  When gays and lesbians can get married in the Roman Catholic Church, I will believe that they too feel that we are children of God and believe that we too should be treated with love and respect.

As a woman who has never been involved in a domestic violence situation, I can assure you that I have a lot to learn about domestic violence and I do not have a first person perspective on why women (and sometimes men) stay with a partner who is abusive. 

I want to be clear here, I am not a domestic violence professional and this article is my opinion and experiences only with women who remain in relationships even when they have the money to leave (like in Rihanna’s case) and have a face full of bruises left by their abuser.

In my professional life, I have come across many victims of domestic violence and I often end my interview with, “off the record”, can you tell me why you don’t leave?

The answers I’ve received are as complex and varying as the women I have interviewed, and here are some of their statements in random order.

• He loves me.  I know he loves me.  He has to work out his anger issues, but he loves me and would die without me.
• He didn’t mean it.  You don’t really know him, it wasn’t as if he tried to kill me.
• He is the father of my children and I don’t want my children to grow up without a daddy like I did.
• He’s sorry.  It won’t happen again.
• It’s no big deal.  He’s better than my last boyfriend.
• I can’t.
• I’m not ready.

In a way, I think it’s somewhat of an attitude of “the devil you know is better than the one you don’t”.  Women involved in domestic violence relationships are often in one violent relationship after another and so in a way it is easier to remain with a violent man whose behavior you think you can predict.

In Rihanna’s case, although the general public is shocked and surprised, it’s my guess that those that work in the field of domestic violence are not surprised in the least.  Yes, Rihanna is a wealthy, beautiful, and talented singer, but women almost always return to their abusers, especially when the abuse has only happened once.

In the case of Chris Brown and Rihanna, they are young (he’s only 19 and she’s 21), naïve and like any young couple in love, they believe they can work through it.  Maybe they can, maybe they won’t.  What is unfortunate for Rihanna is that she has to go through this in front of the camera.  Pictures of her bruised face were plastered all over the internet the minute they were published.

Rihanna is now being chastised for returning to Chris Brown and for believing that she can make her relationship work.  Even Oprah reminded Rihanna that Chris Brown “will hit you again”.  Rihanna’s return to Chris Brown should remind us that even stars are human and that an abusive relationship will follow certain patterns, regardless of the celebrity status of the couple.

It is up to Rihanna to learn this on her own and for her family and friends to be there for her when she is ready to leave, not when we think she should be ready.  Rihanna has her own reasons for staying with Chris Brown.  We don’t have to agree with her, we don’t have to support it, but we do have to respect that this is her own battle and she can only fight back when she is ready to.

Time to Make the DoNUTS

A recent Dunkin Donuts Customer in
Natick, Massachusetts got more than he asked for when he tried to order a cup of coffee at a local Dunkin Donuts.

The customer, who has so far managed to remain anonymous, patiently waited in line for his turn to order his java of the day.  Once he gave his order, he felt that Thomas Zazulak, the only clerk working at the time, was going to slow.  He decided to leave without his coffee.

Police reported that Zazulak became agitated and the two exchanged words.  The customer left the store but Zazulak, 39 and residing in nearby
Framingham, followed him out the door and continued the argument.

Customers remained in line waiting for their fix while the two argued outside the store.

Zazulak was so angry that during the argument he pulled out a large folding knife from his back pocket and proceeded to slash all four tires of the upset customer’s Jeep.

Witnesses came forward, including several children, once police arrive.  Zazulak was arrested and charged with malicious and wanton destruction of property and disturbing the peace while armed.

The anonymous customer still didn’t get his cup of coffee and couldn’t get anywhere because he didn’t have transportation.  He broke down due to caffeine withdrawal and can be found roaming the streets of Natick searching for a Starbucks.

Before (Photo from the NY Post)

 After (Photo from the NY Post.)

Last fall, Yeshiva University Professor Joy Ladin returned to campus after a two year hiatus.  She took a two year break, not to work on a novel or a book of poetry, but to become a woman after spending her first 45 years as a man.

Professor Ladin began working at Yeshiva University in the fall of 2003 and was granted tenure in the fall of 2006.  A few weeks after being granted tenure, Professor Ladin told the University that she was in the process of becoming a woman.

Although the school did not want Ladin to return, she returned to campus in the fall of 2008 after Yeshiva University decided that it wasn’t worth the negative press an extensive legal battle would bring.

I’ve met Professor Ladin a number of times.  She is quiet, sweet, and honestly, if I didn’t know better, I would believe she was a female from the start.  (the picture above doesn’t do her any justice.) I’ve had my share of experiences with transgenders in the uberliberal town I live in, and Professor Joy Ladin can easily pass as a woman if you didn’t know better.

If the higher ups at YeshivaUniversity just kept their mouths shut and didn’t make such a controversy over it, it is likely that Professor Ladin’s transition would have happened and gone relatively unnoticed.

Professor Ladin has taken many hits, many criticisms for her transition.  The New York Post reported that she “has to face a far messier battle on the home front.”  This is simply not true.  Her wife has filed for divorce, yes, but it is amicable and there is no battle to contend with.

I can understand why a University such as Yeshiva might be outraged, but join the new century people.  If you want people to follow religion, to follow a faith, you are going to have to become much more tolerable or your flock will die out.

Ladin has written a personal memoir book:  “Inside Out:  Confessions of a Woman Caught in the Act of Becoming.”

On Sunday, February 8, 2009, a typical day working at the Golden Nozzle Carwash almost ended in disaster for Stephanie M. Carpluck of
Chicopee, Massachusetts.

Carpluck, a 19 year old who has been employed by Golden Nozzle for the past seven months, was walking through the car wash tunnel to get change out of the office.  It was a cold day and she was wearing a scarf.  While walking through the car wash, Carpluck’s scarf became entangled in a large spinning scrubber brush.

Although she tried to pull her scarf free, Stephanie Carpluck was not successful and the scarf wrapped tightly around her neck, cutting off her oxygen supply.

Quick acting Golden Nozzle customer John A. O’Leary ofSouthampton, Massachusetts, jumped out of his car that was on the carwash rails after witnessing the event.  He reached Carpluck and cut her free with a pocket knife he was carrying.  O’Leary stated that he never carries a pocket knife, but was planning to visit his greenhouse to get some cuttings and so he was carrying the lifesaving knife.

Once O’Leary cut Carpluck free, she slumped to the ground and was not breathing.   O’Leary learned rescue breathing in the early 1970’s while an undergraduate and for the first time put this training to use.  He was able to revive Stephanie Carpluck and keep her safe until EMT’s arrived on the scene.

Stephanie Carpluck has since been released from BaystateHospital where she was treated for four days.  She remembers pulling on her scarf and then blacking out.  Carpluck stated that she has been wearing her scarf all winter and there has never been a problem. 

Carpluck was working alone on Sunday morning when the incident occurred.  She is usually an attendant at a different store a few miles away, but was sent to the
Easthampton carwash for the day.  Investigators are looking into the incident.

Photo from The Republican, Springfield, Massachusetts

I can’t help it.  I am fixated on Nadya Suleman, the mother of the California Octuplets born on January 26, 2009.  I have worked for seven years as an investigator of child neglect and abuse cases, and right from the start this story sent up red flags flying everywhere. 

I took a lot of criticism from skeptics on an earlier blog post for having suspicions of Nadya Suleman.  I was chastised for saying that she is probably on welfare, that she can’t possibly care for all of her children well.  I was yelled at that she could be independently wealthy or have a huge support network.  Sadly, my suspicions seem to be rather accurate as this story unfolds.

I have been reading internet articles, and watching news stories on the Suleman family.  I watched the Dateline interview with Ann Curry in its entirety.  I have learned that Ms. Suleman does not have a job and she is a single woman living in a three bedroom ranch house. 

Ms. Nadya Suleman had six children before seeking fertility treatment yet again.  Her first six children are all 7 years old and under.  One child, a three year old son, is diagnosed with autism.  Ms. Suleman stated in her interview that her disability has run out, but that she receives disability for three of her six children that were born before the octuplets.

To clarify, Ms. Nadya Suleman was single, a mother of six, on disability and going to school.  She is stating that her job she will get some day as a counselor will pay for all of the needs of her fourteen children.  My biggest question for her is:  When do you expect to have time to work?

Let’s take a look at the basic costs involved in preparation for a newborn.  As a mother with a baby due in April, I can assure you that it can get very expensive very quickly.  My wife is a successful attorney and I can’t imagine trying to pay for more than one at a time, never mind octuplets. 

Basic start up costs for my family:

1 crib :  $450

1 mattress:  $100

Bedding:  $60

1 car seat:  $85

1 stroller:  $150

Bottles:  $50

Clothing:  $250

1 Bag Diapers:  $15

1 Can Formula:  $18

I am not including the cost of toys, pack and plays, GAP clothes, baby pictures, or anything that we bought to make our lives a little easier like a wipe warmer and fancy video monitor.  So the basic cost of preparing for a baby to come home is roughly $1178 without taking into consideration things like heat, housing, electricity or transportation. 

Now, I’m not only talking about me but about Ms. Suleman and her new octuplets.  The start up cost for her new brood is $9,424 at a bare bones minimum. 

Let’s consider that she is going to cram all fourteen of her children in the house that she rents from her mother.  Right now she has no source of income other than student loans, although in another breath she stated that the student loans have stopped and she gets disability for three of her six older children.

If Nadya Suleman remains in the house she currently lives in with all fourteen children, we can safely assume that the rent will remain the same, probably the heat will stay the same and the electricity bill will likely rise due to an increase in laundry and daily baths.  The cost of living in a three bedroom home, all utilities included, is on the low end $1500.  I think this is a very low estimate, but for arguments sake, I’ll estimate the cost of housing all fourteen children at $18,000 for one year.

Next, we have to take into consideration the fact that these children need to eat.  Whether it is formula or solid foods, the food bill for this family must be significant.  I’ve read reports that Ms. Suleman is on food stamps (around $500 a month) but in her live interview she stated that she wasn’t getting outside help. 

I am not sure how she is feeding her children today, never mind for the next twelve months.  The cost of feeding a newborn if you formula feed is roughly $100 a month.  Even if she wanted to breastfeed to keep costs down, there is no way on this earth that Ms. Suleman would be able to breastfeed 8 babies. 

At $800 a month for the babies and an additional $600 a month for the other six children, I estimate the total food bill per month at $1400, which comes out to $16,800 per year to feed a family of fourteen.  I hope Ms. Suleman doesn’t have much of an appetite herself.

Diapers.  That will be a big one, especially for the first year.  Eight newborns and at least 3 other children in diapers mean that there are 11 children who need to be changed regularly.  The cost for one child in diapers is roughly $100 a month if you buy diapers on sale and in bulk.  For 11 children, the cost of diapers for one year is $13,200.  I think this estimate is low, but I am being as generous as I can stand to be.

I’m not even including clothes, which can be easily handed down from friends, transportation costs which would include the need for a fourteen passenger van, medication co pays, doctor visits or other incidental costs of raising a family and I am already at $57,424 for a woman who doesn’t have a job and hopes to work as a counselor some day.

I watched Ms. Suleman’s interview with Ann Curry in awe because she truly believes that she isn’t selfish and has indeed put the needs of her children first.   To the average person, Ms. Suleman looks insane for believing that she can raise fourteen children, finish college and get a full time job.   Ms. Suleman was adamant that she is there for her children and that she will love them unconditionally, accept them unconditionally. 

Maybe I am wrong.  I’ve certainly been wrong before and I hope I am now.  Maybe Ms. Suleman will be able to successfully raise her fourteen children without help from welfare and no involvement with child protective services. 

To help the cost of raising her family, Ms. Nadya Suleman has started a website, the link to which I will not post here because she is asking for donations and I think this whole thing stinks.  Forget her insanity for a minute; what were doctors thinking when they put 6 embryos in a 33 year old woman who already has six children?

The Top 10 Reasons Why I Support Michael Phelps

10.  8 Gold Medals in the 2008 Summer Olympics.

9.  Pot is not exactly a performance enhancing drug.

8.  Ask any young man his age, although he has probably tried pot, he will deny it.

7.  Pot should be legal anyway.  At least it wasn’t crack cocaine.

6.  Michael is a role model because he has taken a mistake and turned it into a learning experience.

5.  He won 8 Gold Medals in Beijing for the United States.

4.  He didn’t deny that he smoked pot, he is taking his criticisms like a man.

3.  He takes full responsibility for his actions.

2.  His achievements as a swimmer far outweigh any mistakes he has made.  8 Gold Medals.

1.  He is an American Hero and his achievements should not be overshadowed by smoking from a bong. 

I am cold.  I am tired.  I am tired and cold and I am sick of the snow already, even though it is only January.  What happened to our yearly January thaw?  Last night the weather was so cold it was something like 7 below.  Yeah, yeah, I know that some of you live in places like Minnesota and Canada where it is even colder, but this is my blog and I’m going to whine all I want.

Our weather forecast for tomorrow, according to WWLP, TV 22 news is:

Snow.  Possibly a hell of a lot of it depending on where you live.  Don’t go out, you have to stay home and shovel your driveway all day.  Don’t forget about all of the ridiculous ice that formed last week while you at work all day.  Ice underneath snow makes snowblowing very precarious.  Don’t remember last year you moron when you fell three times trying to clean off the snow from your steep driveway?

The weather forecast for tomorrow?  Stay under the covers with a good book.  It won’t be worth going out.

Snake Oil salesmen, dust off your suitcases and get ready to start peddling the newest fountain of youth pill on the market today. Welcome resveratrol, a nutritional supplement that is promising to increase your life span, protect your heart, fight type two diabetes and override all of the unhealthy lifestyle choices you have made over the years.

Is resveratrol the new fountain of youth? Many followers believe that it is. Resveratrol is a nutrient found in red wine and in high doses, resveratrol has been improving the health and lifespan in mice during clinical studies. So far, nothing has been proven on humans, are you ready to be a lab rat?

We’ve known for years that red wine can have significant health benefits in moderation and so it makes sense that a supplement made with resveratrol would have the same health benefits of red wine. The problem is, we don’t know how much is too much and what the long term effects of using a supplement like resveratrol are.

I, like millions of other television viewers, watched the 60 minutes segment on resveratrol and the potential for its healing powers. I was not convinced that the resveratrol supplement will have the same effects on humans as it does on mice, as I’m sure many of you weren’t.

I am incapable of believing that anything can undo a lifetime of poor eating and a lack of exercise. To me it seems as just another quest for the fountain of youth that won’t pan out. Maybe I’m wrong, but I’ll leave the experimentation of resveratrol to other people who are braver than I.

Unlike a magic pill, another “fountain of youth” solution that has been in the news lately is the Calorie Restriction, or CR diet. Named by author Dr. Roy L. Walford as the Longevity Diet, the CR diet limits calories as way to extend the lifespan. Calorie Restriction dieters believe that hunger is good and many fast 2 or 3 days a week while others only eat 1 time a day.

CR dieters eat lots of vegetables, some fruit, low fat protein and healthy fats. The bottom line of a CR diet is eating fewer calories while getting adequate nutrition. The goal is to weigh 15-20% below your “ideal weight”. They too claim that their fountain of youth solution will increase longevity and slow down the aging process.

If you knew for sure that restricting your calories every day would increase your lifespan by decades, would you do it?

I can only answer for myself, and that answer is no. I know that healthy eating is good for me, but like most people, food is not just sustenance for me. Food is fun and something we get pleasure from. I wouldn’t want to give up chocolate, pizza, or buttered popcorn and potential longevity is not incentive enough.

We already know that good lifestyle habits will increase our longevity yet many of us smoke, drink alcohol, eat excessively and exercise little. We don’t, as a society, restrict ourselves too often and a calorie restriction diet just so we might live longer seems a far reach for most of us. I’ll take my chances that I’d rather be a happy, well adjusted adult right now than a 120 year old woman who is cranky from not getting any chocolate.